The Ballad of Alec Baldwin
From the shores of Massapequa, yonder by the sea
To a bleak, forsaken time slot on MSNBC
A jowly hero rose, with acts one, two, and three
Yet the third may be his last, and why, you shall soon see
An enemy had stalked him, about that have no doubt
These monsters looked near human, with telephoto snouts
“Fucking cocksuckers, you heathens,” Alec B. was heard to shout
But they heeded not his warnings, nor blushed before his pout
He met a nubile goddess with flaxen locks of gold
In sickness and in health, they promised to grow old
And soon a bouncing daughter they brought into their fold
But around her flocked the monsters, seeking photos to be sold
Read the rest here.
Illustration by Sam Sellers.