[Harp music and smoke]
INT. POOL at the CHATEAU MARMONT. AARON and COURTNEY, on an early date, sit nursing TONICS.
That tonic O.K. for you? Never understood the difference between tonic and soda until I thought to look up the difference between tonic and soda. I’ll take that MacArthur grant now, thank you. Here’s the fizz: tonic, though bitter, contains sugar—it cuts nicely with gin. Gin cuts even better with more gin, to tell you the truth. Soda, on the other hand, is essentially—no,literally—carbonated water. It’s just water and bubbles, water and bubbles. It’s aerated backwash, that’s what soda water is.
I wore white pants to the Viper Room back before white pants were even on Miley Cyrus. What the… she thinks she has to compete by wearing white pants but musically, it’s light, too. Jerry and all them. He’s got nothin’—nothin’! In the end, it’s like, this is just a person. Didn’t go starting trouble just to start trouble, because. Who even gets tired? I couldn’t be tired if I tried to sleep. Do you get it? I just remember, all the time I remember.
You know what makes tonic water bitter, sweetheart? It’s the quinine. That’s an alkaloid, which is why tonic water was originally used to ward off malaria. [Laughs to self] Can you imagine the malpractice suits back then? “Doctor, doctor! My husband has malaria despite all the tonic.” “Sorry about that, Mrs. Eighteenth Century, at least now bring the man some gin!”
Greatness is a virtue among talents, I say. Do you dare me? I can’t believe her! It’s like, good luck, man. Good fuckin’ luck to you and yours. It’s hard to even believe it’s 2012. When did New Year’s happen? I was at a party, with Michael and Michael’s friends and those guys and we were listening to the music there. Katy Perry? What? Madonna? I’m owed some things. A lot of things.
[Swatting self.] The mosquito. What an incredible little creature. The deadliest animal on Earth: killed more people than lions, tigers, bears, and religious zealots combined. And not just malaria: yellow fever, West Nile, dengue fever, lymphatic filariasis, encephalitis. Did you say something?