The Ballad of Alec Baldwin

From the shores of Massapequa, yonder by the sea
To a bleak, forsaken time slot on MSNBC
A jowly hero rose, with acts one, two, and three
Yet the third may be his last, and why, you shall soon see

An enemy had stalked him, about that have no doubt
These monsters looked near human, with telephoto snouts
“Fucking cocksuckers, you heathens,” Alec B. was heard to shout
But they heeded not his warnings, nor blushed before his pout

He met a nubile goddess with flaxen locks of gold
In sickness and in health, they promised to grow old
And soon a bouncing daughter they brought into their fold
But around her flocked the monsters, seeking photos to be sold

Read the rest here.

Illustration by Sam Sellers. 

The Ballad of Alec Baldwin

From the shores of Massapequa, yonder by the sea

To a bleak, forsaken time slot on MSNBC

A jowly hero rose, with acts one, two, and three

Yet the third may be his last, and why, you shall soon see

An enemy had stalked him, about that have no doubt

These monsters looked near human, with telephoto snouts

“Fucking cocksuckers, you heathens,” Alec B. was heard to shout

But they heeded not his warnings, nor blushed before his pout

He met a nubile goddess with flaxen locks of gold

In sickness and in health, they promised to grow old

And soon a bouncing daughter they brought into their fold

But around her flocked the monsters, seeking photos to be sold

Read the rest here.

Illustration by Sam Sellers. 

Baldwin and Beautiful | Ireland Basinger Baldwin

Photographs by Patrick Demarchelier

Say Hello to Mr. August, Alec Baldwin.
Photograph by Norman Jean Roy

Say Hello to Mr. August, Alec Baldwin.

Photograph by Norman Jean Roy

“Not since Archie Bunker has there been a television character that my parents agree with so often.”

Tina Fey, on 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin).