“Ted, oh my God, what are you doing here?” Martin asked, putting down his copy of The Recognitions.
“Ted, please,” I interrupted. “Let me.”
I kissed Ted gently on his outer ear in a way that straight people would dislike.
“Martin, I know you and I were supposed to get gay-married tomorrow. But I think that Ted should get gay-married to both of us.”
Martin stared back at me. I looked down at our recently refurbished floor crafted from imported Brazilian wood.
“You know I love Ted,” Martin said slowly. “But Ted is married! Married to a Republican congresswoman with whom he has six Christian children! We can’t gay-marry Ted.”
Ted shuffled his feet. “Now that I can gay-marry you two, what good is my family? I was looking for a means of escape from my traditional, responsibility-filled, missionary-position-during-sex-filled life, and this joint gay wedding tomorrow is just the ticket.”
[Read more: Modern Love Columns in the Time of Gay Marriage]

“Ted, oh my God, what are you doing here?” Martin asked, putting down his copy of The Recognitions.

“Ted, please,” I interrupted. “Let me.”

I kissed Ted gently on his outer ear in a way that straight people would dislike.

“Martin, I know you and I were supposed to get gay-married tomorrow. But I think that Ted should get gay-married to both of us.”

Martin stared back at me. I looked down at our recently refurbished floor crafted from imported Brazilian wood.

“You know I love Ted,” Martin said slowly. “But Ted is married! Married to a Republican congresswoman with whom he has six Christian children! We can’t gay-marry Ted.”

Ted shuffled his feet. “Now that I can gay-marry you two, what good is my family? I was looking for a means of escape from my traditional, responsibility-filled, missionary-position-during-sex-filled life, and this joint gay wedding tomorrow is just the ticket.”

[Read more: Modern Love Columns in the Time of Gay Marriage]