Cicada Eggs Laid in 1996 Now Hatching in Donald Trump’s Hair

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The Best Entries from Harvard’s Class of 2003 Tenth Anniversary Report, Sans Context

VF.com answers the urgent question on everyone’s mind: what has Harvard’s Class of 2003 been up to? Here’s an excerpt:

Creating jobs:

I’m looking forward to catching up with everyone. Anyone interested in babysitting, we pay generously.

Visiting London:

“She’s a cool mistress, this wondrous London: ever forgiving but never one to forget.”

Picking up hobbies:

“I’ve recently taken up boxing in the tradition of Teddy Roosevelt (1880).”

And last but not least, engaging in Smash Bros. rivalries:

Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah, boooooooyyyyyyyyy! Obviously, I bought a Nintendo Wii, and obviously, there’s a Smash Bros. game for it. So obviously, Kevin Clancy ’03 and I renewed our rivalry after he graduated from business school and moved a few blocks away from me on the Upper West Side. I am happy to say that I currently lead him 112-103 all-time (we play one-on-one, in Brawl mode, because of course we do, what do you think we are, weirdos?) The process of writing a ten-year update forces me to survey our Smash Bros. activities and accomplishments, which, to my surprise, are extensive.